It hurts a lot when people just can’t stand your church and you love it so much
Oh thank The Lord. He has given me the strength and ability to communicate my thoughts and feelings and I couldn’t be happier. I’m so excited for what’s in store for Phillip and me because with each other and a stronger faith between us I feel like really good things are coming our way. The only person I can thank is God. I’m so glad Phillip has come into my life. These mere 24 hours have been awful but it’s opened my eyes to what sort of life I want to work for. I’ve always believed in God but I now know it’s time to truly have faith in him and I don’t think I would have come to this realization without my amazing boyfriend. He’s bringing new light into my life and I couldn’t be more excited for my future.
I should have started reading the bible a long time ago. I’ve always been religious and I thought that as long as I just believed and went to church I would understand everything. I’ve only read Ruth, some of proverbs, and some of psalms and I feel like I should have done this years ago. I feel like I don’t even know how to pray correctly but I don’t think there’s an exact way to do it. I just want to better myself for me and I want to be the best person I can be for myself, my family, and society. I really want my baby back too. This is so difficult and painful and confusing.
But I love him so much. I wanted to be the one to give him the things that would make him smile and be happy. I want to be able to hold him and kiss him and ruffle his hair. I want to give him advice when he needs it and just love him unconditionally.
I’ve never felt so alone and confused and hurt. I want to puke. I feel so sick. I want to beg and plead and point out all the good things. I want another chance cause I can be better. I can be what you want and need. I’m so sorry. I feel so broken and hopeful and stupid. I want happiness for both of us but it hurts so bad.